Seeking Samadhi

So... yes!  

Last night, after my doula training, I went to the Walgreens nearby that was actually open until midnight.  I needed to get plastic Easter eggs to fill for Tai's class.  And figured as long as I was there, I might as well buy another box of pregnancy tests.  I couldn't make myself wait another day to find a dollar store.  After all, I still hadn't started my period, which was weird.  I spent the evening grumping at Tom and filling the eggs.  This morning, while Tai and Tom fiddled around downstairs, I took a test.  

Learning from my last mistakes (and several people's suggestions!)  I actually peed in a cup this time and dipped the stick.  (After reading the time to leave it in - 5 seconds both for dipping and direct pee.  (On the digital test I needed to hold it longer if I was dipping than direct peeing.)  I wasn't about to make another mistake!  If I did, I still had the pee in the cup, this time.

So I waited the requisite two minutes (adding another 50 or so seconds, just to be sure).  I stuck the test out of sight while I waited, so I didn't peek.  When I pulled it out, I was so surprised that it was actually positive!  I had convinced myself that I wasn't... I couldn't believe it.  I went right downstairs to tell Tom.  I was trying to think of some creative way to tell him... but I hadn't planned ahead and I couldn't wait.

I said, "I owe you an apology for being so grumpy lately.  I'm sorry about that.  But... there is a reason."  I held out the test.  He gave me this huge huge hug.  Later, he said "I am really happy and excited about this."  And then when he started getting ready for work, he gave me another hug and said, "Let's hope for a girl."  I hadn't even thought he might want a girl.  Personally, I would be happy either way.  I am just keeping my fingers crossed for sticking baby.

I told my mom, I told Lisa, I told my Aunt.  I told people at my doula class tonight (the teacher and a couple of women I get along with).  Abigail (the teacher) congratulated me, and said she often warns women taking the class that if they don't want to get pregnant, to take extra care.  She usually has someone get pregnant either during, or just after the class.  I'm happy it worked for me!

The best story, though, is this:  Tom and I had agreed that we'd wait a little to tell Tai.  But not four minutes after I showed Tom the test, Tai came up to me and put a hand on my uterus and said, "Is there a baby in there?"  I was sort of stunned.  He's never suggested this before.  Neither Tom nor I had mentioned a baby out loud.  He just knew.  I told him that yes, I'm working on having a baby... but that babies need to decide if they want to stay.  If this baby wants to stay, I will have a baby.  If not, we'll have to wait for another baby.   He hasn't brought it up again, and neither have I... but we are *all* excited.

And I am tired.  Must sleep.