Seeking Samadhi

Feel free to skip this entry, considering I'm going to whine and be self-pitying.  Fortunately I've (mostly) contained that attitude to my brain and here.  I did snap at Tom a couple of times, but hopefully not too much.  I just need a little outlet, so this is the place for it.

( cut to spare your brain... )
After Dr. Treece called me on Tuesday, he called the city to alert them about Tai's exposure to lead.  On Wednesday an inspector from the city called me.  They needed to check out the house.  He offered an appointment on Thursday morning.  Of course I agreed.  We want to find out what's causing the exposure as soon as possible.  So he came out and took a bunch of samples around the house.  Unfortunately I couldn't follow him around to see what he was doing because Tai was awake and wanting to be entertained.  He said he'll get the results in 5-7 days (hopefully not business days), which means we could know as early as Tuesday.  Then he'll call and we can figure out what needs to be done to get everything fixed.

In the meantime, Tai and I have been spending most of our time out of the house.  At the inspector's request.  He said Tai shouldn't be crawling around in the house and Tai isn't so much of a fan of just sitting on my lap anymore.  He's a boy on the move, let me tell you.  He's been spending more time standing without holding on to anything.  And he's even taken a step or two in between two things (like the coffee table and either me or Tom), though he's really cautious about doing so and prefers to speed-crawl everywhere.

As a placeholder - I want to write about the following in the next couple of days: 1) Further thoughts on my sexuality, and 2) the question someone asked me today, "Is it hard being a mother?" 

I'm too tired to do them justice tonight.

Today sucks. Chocolate cake did not help. Grocery store sushi did not help (don't worry - it was cooked, therefore not hazardous to pregnant women health). Even the new Futurama movie (Bender's Big Score) did not help. (Well, didn't help much. It's still funny.) Therapy did not help. Whining to Tom did not help. I don't think anything will help. Which makes sense, I suppose.

Mom called around noon. Grandma is actively dying. Her breathing is irregular, she's no longer really there. Sleeping, I guess. It feels really sudden. Just yesterday she was talking on the phone with Quin and I, she opened the present I gave her, she met with the minister and she had dinner with the rest of the family. While Mom and Aunt Chris figured that she only had a week or maybe two left - I was thinking she might even stick around to see the baby. (Realistically, I figured not - that she was just saying she would to make me feel better.)

I don't know - I'm just having a hard time believing that my Grandma's really dying. The hospice nurse gives her maybe a day, max two. But Mom thinks it's going to be much quicker. This sucks.