Short update
Dec. 28th, 2007 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aubreymThis is going to be short today - my hands are hurting a bit, and I'm tired (after all, it's after ten. About time for me to hit the sack. I am such the party animal). One thing I've been able to help with on the house remodel is ripping up the kitchen floor. I have no idea what the old owners were thinking (as has been the case with much of the house in general). They put down some ugly tiles that stick by water-soluble glue and paper. They have been peeling up slowly ever since we moved in and we've been sticking them down with duct-tape. Not a long term solution. Now we're putting in a temporary floor - cheap laminate tile things, but they should last until we finish the remodel and put down a nice floor. And they won't be dirty and disgusting. So I pulled up the old tiles and scraped away at the glue/paper mixture. It took a couple of days (but moved a lot quicker with Tom's help). I finally finished tonight at almost ten. Tom called it a day at 8, but we were so close to done I just took a dinner break and then went back to it. But all the scraping - oww.
I had a good meeting with Wendy today. We talked about Grandma's death and my grieving. We talked some about my connecting grief and anxiety (when I am grieving, I often stuff it down and away and end up feeling anxious instead). I talked about sometimes feeling like I'm not grieving properly for Grandma, that I'm not doing it enough or right - even though I know all of the bereavement counseling speak about how everyone grieves differently and grieves each relationship differently and there's no right way to do it and blah blah. And I feel like I haven't been there enough for Mom. The truth is, I haven't been calling her as much as I normally would. I feel like I'd be flooded by her grief - that it might trigger that much sadness and loss in me and I couldn't cope... and also that I can't take it all from Mom and hold it myself. Wendy reminded me that all I can do is have my own feelings, and let her have her own feelings. I can't take someone else's feelings. And I don't have to let her sadness become my own.
I was thinking that was part of my problem with being a grief counselor. I felt like I should take in their feelings, and I often would, but then I didn't know what to do with it or how to deal. There's still more understanding that I need to find around this, but it felt like a good start. A bit of insight. I'm not sure what it might mean in terms of my future career path. Not that it necessarily matters - it's just good to understand myself a bit better.
Also - in good news... I met with Lis, my new midwife today. I really enjoyed spending the hour with her. I feel like she's going to be a really good fit for me. Just the right amount of warm, fuzzy bedside manner that I was looking for. Reassuring and understanding. I'm looking forward to having her help me have this baby. She checked the wiggler's position - and he's still head down, butt up, and seems to be turned the right way. She introduced herself to him, too. I am looking forward to this birth, and doing it at home. I think it's something I can do.
I had a good meeting with Wendy today. We talked about Grandma's death and my grieving. We talked some about my connecting grief and anxiety (when I am grieving, I often stuff it down and away and end up feeling anxious instead). I talked about sometimes feeling like I'm not grieving properly for Grandma, that I'm not doing it enough or right - even though I know all of the bereavement counseling speak about how everyone grieves differently and grieves each relationship differently and there's no right way to do it and blah blah. And I feel like I haven't been there enough for Mom. The truth is, I haven't been calling her as much as I normally would. I feel like I'd be flooded by her grief - that it might trigger that much sadness and loss in me and I couldn't cope... and also that I can't take it all from Mom and hold it myself. Wendy reminded me that all I can do is have my own feelings, and let her have her own feelings. I can't take someone else's feelings. And I don't have to let her sadness become my own.
I was thinking that was part of my problem with being a grief counselor. I felt like I should take in their feelings, and I often would, but then I didn't know what to do with it or how to deal. There's still more understanding that I need to find around this, but it felt like a good start. A bit of insight. I'm not sure what it might mean in terms of my future career path. Not that it necessarily matters - it's just good to understand myself a bit better.
Also - in good news... I met with Lis, my new midwife today. I really enjoyed spending the hour with her. I feel like she's going to be a really good fit for me. Just the right amount of warm, fuzzy bedside manner that I was looking for. Reassuring and understanding. I'm looking forward to having her help me have this baby. She checked the wiggler's position - and he's still head down, butt up, and seems to be turned the right way. She introduced herself to him, too. I am looking forward to this birth, and doing it at home. I think it's something I can do.
