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aubreymI can't believe it's been two weeks since I had Tai. Like much of motherhood (so far), I have a mix of feelings about it - on the one hand I feel as though Tai was just born the other day, and on the other I feel like he's been here forever. He's doing well, eating, sleeping, pooping, peeing, as a newborn should. We all had a big outing on Tuesday. Tai had a pediatrician appointment, which was mostly just a weigh in and a check to make sure that Tom and I didn't have any questions or problems. Tai's gaining weight like a champ; he's already 8 lbs, 4oz (gaining over a pound from his birth weight). Mom was teasing me about thinking too much - instead of being relieved that he's clearly thriving, I wondered if I might be feeding him too much. I am a new mother. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
After the pediatrician we went to Costco. I have yet to call to order the cloth diaper service, so we needed some more disposables. Tai slept through the trip, happy in his carseat. I'll admit to being a bit jealous - I'd love to sleep through a trip to Costco. Even midweek it's crowded and annoying.
It was a day of firsts - not only was it Tai's first trip to Costco, but it was also the first time he had a bath. (Well, if you don't count his bath in the hospital, which I don't.) Since our new bathroom is the warmest room in the house (possibly because it's also the only room that has insulation) Tom and I decided to bathe him there. We plugged the sink and put a towel down on the bottom so it wouldn't be cold on his bum. I figured Tai might cry at least a little, but he didn't. He just sat there with wide eyes, taking it all in. Fortunately I remembered to take a bit of video while Tom was washing him. Need to have blackmail fodder for when he's a pain-in-the-butt teen.
Yesterday Tom went back to work for the first time since I went into labor. I spent much of Tuesday feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I don't think it had hit me yet, since Tom was here and his mom and step-dad were visiting, that eventually he'd be going back to work and it would be just me. Not that I don't have support - I have a lot of support from friends and family. But when it comes down to it, I am the one that is going to be responsible for Tai's well-being on a day to day basis. I'm mostly worried that I won't be up to the job. Taking care of dogs is one thing, a human being is something completely different (needless to say).
Considering permanency is uncomfortable for me, at least at first. When I got the dogs I had a momentary freakout. When I got my tattoos, same thing. (And I don't even have to do anything with them now that they're there.) Having a baby is even more permanent than either of those. No matter what happens, Tai is my son and I need to be there for him. I'm worried that I'm going to fail in that. The phobia is a part of that fear, especially since I know that when he gets the stomach flu someday it's going to be hard for me to comfort him in the way he deserves. Of course, that's just the part of my anxiety that is easiest to identify.
I know that some of the anxiety is hormonal. And some is completely normal. I just want to be sure that I don't ignore a downward slide. Tom's keeping an eye on me, though. And I know he's here for me. Fortunately actually being home on my own hasn't been bad at all. Tai and I spend the day relaxing together. We'll make it work, Tai and I. We'll get it right. Because he is my son and I love him.
After the pediatrician we went to Costco. I have yet to call to order the cloth diaper service, so we needed some more disposables. Tai slept through the trip, happy in his carseat. I'll admit to being a bit jealous - I'd love to sleep through a trip to Costco. Even midweek it's crowded and annoying.
It was a day of firsts - not only was it Tai's first trip to Costco, but it was also the first time he had a bath. (Well, if you don't count his bath in the hospital, which I don't.) Since our new bathroom is the warmest room in the house (possibly because it's also the only room that has insulation) Tom and I decided to bathe him there. We plugged the sink and put a towel down on the bottom so it wouldn't be cold on his bum. I figured Tai might cry at least a little, but he didn't. He just sat there with wide eyes, taking it all in. Fortunately I remembered to take a bit of video while Tom was washing him. Need to have blackmail fodder for when he's a pain-in-the-butt teen.
Yesterday Tom went back to work for the first time since I went into labor. I spent much of Tuesday feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I don't think it had hit me yet, since Tom was here and his mom and step-dad were visiting, that eventually he'd be going back to work and it would be just me. Not that I don't have support - I have a lot of support from friends and family. But when it comes down to it, I am the one that is going to be responsible for Tai's well-being on a day to day basis. I'm mostly worried that I won't be up to the job. Taking care of dogs is one thing, a human being is something completely different (needless to say).
Considering permanency is uncomfortable for me, at least at first. When I got the dogs I had a momentary freakout. When I got my tattoos, same thing. (And I don't even have to do anything with them now that they're there.) Having a baby is even more permanent than either of those. No matter what happens, Tai is my son and I need to be there for him. I'm worried that I'm going to fail in that. The phobia is a part of that fear, especially since I know that when he gets the stomach flu someday it's going to be hard for me to comfort him in the way he deserves. Of course, that's just the part of my anxiety that is easiest to identify.
I know that some of the anxiety is hormonal. And some is completely normal. I just want to be sure that I don't ignore a downward slide. Tom's keeping an eye on me, though. And I know he's here for me. Fortunately actually being home on my own hasn't been bad at all. Tai and I spend the day relaxing together. We'll make it work, Tai and I. We'll get it right. Because he is my son and I love him.
