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Anxiety girl
Dec. 27th, 2007 09:56 pmI’m having an anxious sort of day. It’s been a while since i’ve had one, so I suppose I should give myself a break. But I’ve spent most of the day feeling vaguely upset, and then berating myself for feeling bad. I guess I was hoping that with the meds and the pregnancy hormones and the therapy that the phobia would have finally relented a little bit. Especially since my difficult (nausea-wise and anxiety-wise) first trimester. Unfortunately that seems not to be the case.
It’s stomach flu season (technically every season can be, but winter is the most common time for it to hit) and several people I know are sick, or have been recently. Oddly enough, that can be a trigger to my anxiety. Even if I haven’t been hanging around them… I start to think about the virus being out there, and I start worrying about getting sick. It’s not logical. It’s not helpful.
All day, at least half of my mind has been used to try and talk myself out of the irrational fear. Reminding myself that worrying won’t keep me healthy. And that even if I do come down with a stomach bug, it will be temporary. Sure, it will last longer than I’d like (because I don’t think anyone wants it to last at all), but eventually I’ll feel better. No matter what the phobia thinks, I’ll live through it. The other half of my mind has been ignoring most of the good advice. No wonder I’m tired tonight. I’m thinking too much, and in circles. Good thing I have therapy tomorrow.
Fortunately I didn’t let the anxiety totally suck the fun from my day. Tonight Tom and I went out to dinner. We were laughing; there’s a good possibility that we haven’t gone to a nice restaurant (not counting Denny’s or a burrito joint, or bagel shop) since we saw Eddie Izzard perform back in my first trimester. It was good to go out, just the two of us, before we have the baby. We had some good Japanese food, some good conversation. It was almost like a date. It’s been a while.
In better news - I had my last appointment with the nurse-midwives at the hospital. I felt like a big dork for making my decision so late in the game, and rather uncomfortable about talking about it in general… I didn’t want them to think it had anything to do with them in particular. I *like* them both. It’s about giving birth at home rather than in a hospital. Anyway - the meeting went well. I had a good conversation with the midwife. She gave me the group B strep test… and then she did a quick ultrasound to see whether the baby is head up or head down. She just put the wand to my belly and immediately said - there’s his head, just where it should be.
With only 33 days to go (give or take) - the boy is not breech. He’s head down and ready to rock. Needless to say - I am a happy camper.
It’s stomach flu season (technically every season can be, but winter is the most common time for it to hit) and several people I know are sick, or have been recently. Oddly enough, that can be a trigger to my anxiety. Even if I haven’t been hanging around them… I start to think about the virus being out there, and I start worrying about getting sick. It’s not logical. It’s not helpful.
All day, at least half of my mind has been used to try and talk myself out of the irrational fear. Reminding myself that worrying won’t keep me healthy. And that even if I do come down with a stomach bug, it will be temporary. Sure, it will last longer than I’d like (because I don’t think anyone wants it to last at all), but eventually I’ll feel better. No matter what the phobia thinks, I’ll live through it. The other half of my mind has been ignoring most of the good advice. No wonder I’m tired tonight. I’m thinking too much, and in circles. Good thing I have therapy tomorrow.
Fortunately I didn’t let the anxiety totally suck the fun from my day. Tonight Tom and I went out to dinner. We were laughing; there’s a good possibility that we haven’t gone to a nice restaurant (not counting Denny’s or a burrito joint, or bagel shop) since we saw Eddie Izzard perform back in my first trimester. It was good to go out, just the two of us, before we have the baby. We had some good Japanese food, some good conversation. It was almost like a date. It’s been a while.
In better news - I had my last appointment with the nurse-midwives at the hospital. I felt like a big dork for making my decision so late in the game, and rather uncomfortable about talking about it in general… I didn’t want them to think it had anything to do with them in particular. I *like* them both. It’s about giving birth at home rather than in a hospital. Anyway - the meeting went well. I had a good conversation with the midwife. She gave me the group B strep test… and then she did a quick ultrasound to see whether the baby is head up or head down. She just put the wand to my belly and immediately said - there’s his head, just where it should be.
With only 33 days to go (give or take) - the boy is not breech. He’s head down and ready to rock. Needless to say - I am a happy camper.
