State of the Brain (again)
Jul. 19th, 2009 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aubreymI've been feeling unsettled lately. Like I'm in the midst of a transition and unable to land on either side of things. I'm not sure why, maybe because I am still trying to figure out who the heck I am other than Tai's Momma (and I'm still discovering exactly what that means). Maybe because I don't have a job other than being homemaker and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Maybe because I haven't been writing that much lately. Maybe because I've been feeling the need for more friendship in my life. More community too - for instance, I'd like to find a spiritual community. Probably it's a mix of all of this stuff and other stuff too.
I am taking steps to work on this, though. I've signed up for a 'finishing your novel' course. I'll be meeting with my classmates in person once a month, then in between I'll share progress with the teacher and one other classmate online. The class will last for six months and I'm hoping that I make some decent progress with more structure in my writing life. I'm also hoping that I do better about making writer-friends this time.
I've been trying to do better about getting together with women from my Mom's Group. I'm hosting a second meeting tomorrow, hoping that with our toddlers confined to the house, we'll actually be able to talk rather than just race after the kidlets. I'm trying to figure out how to invite one or two over with their husbands some evening, too. It would be good for Tom and I to have couple-with-kids friends. Especially since they would have kids Tai's age.
I am taking steps to work on this, though. I've signed up for a 'finishing your novel' course. I'll be meeting with my classmates in person once a month, then in between I'll share progress with the teacher and one other classmate online. The class will last for six months and I'm hoping that I make some decent progress with more structure in my writing life. I'm also hoping that I do better about making writer-friends this time.
I've been trying to do better about getting together with women from my Mom's Group. I'm hosting a second meeting tomorrow, hoping that with our toddlers confined to the house, we'll actually be able to talk rather than just race after the kidlets. I'm trying to figure out how to invite one or two over with their husbands some evening, too. It would be good for Tom and I to have couple-with-kids friends. Especially since they would have kids Tai's age.
I'm reading a lot of books about Buddhism lately. Meditation would probably do me some good, especially working with the transitory nature of life. I think I can be a better Momma when I get more deeply in touch with this. In fact, I bet it would be good for me, as well, since my anxiety tends to make me think that I'm going to be stuck in a shitty position forever. That's not so much a help community-wise, though I'm considering going to the Zen Center here.
I feel like I've been spending so much of my life waiting, waiting to know what the right thing to do is... waiting for someone to give me permission. I don't want to waste my life waiting. I want to live. I just have to figure out what that means.
