Seeking Samadhi

This afternoon Tai and I headed over to neuraltube 's place to celebrate Blue's birthday.  Tai had a blast, playing with the big kids and checking out all of Blue's cool toys.  It took him a minute or two to warm up, since we were (almost) the last ones there, and he'd been sleeping in the car.  But pretty soon he was flirting with janisfan  and artemis_rich .  Unfortunately, I was not as adorable.  I'm not too sure what my deal was, I just got an attack of the awkwards.  Every now and again I get overly self-conscious and I start over-thinking how I'm coming across to people and I start to feel like a big dork who is just lurking around the edges of a group. Which makes me act like a big dork who is lurking around the edges of a group.  Lame.  I certainly didn't make my best impression, but I showed up - which is a much bigger thing than it sounds.  Usually I'll just hide out at home.  Tai, on the other hand, always loves a good party and I didn't want to deprive him.  Plus,  I wanted to wish Blue a happy 4th birthday.  He's such a big kid, and so amazingly sweet to Tai.  When Tai arrived, Blue gave him the nicest hug and kiss.  I wish I'd had a camera.

While I know it's good for the state and all, I am so bummed that it's raining again.  Tai and I have been enjoying running around the neighborhood and haunting the playground every day.  What are we going to do with ourselves while it's raining?  Maybe I'll have to find him a raincoat to go withe the boots I got him and we can see what the city is like in the rain.  Tai loves to make the covers over PG&E meters clank when he stomps on them - I bet he'll dig stomping in puddles.

I've been doing a lot of reading on Livejournal lately, trying to keep up with RaceFail '09.  A lot has been said, some of it batshit insane, but some of it well-written and insightful.  I especially found both parts of Mary-Anne Mohanraj's entry on John Scalzi's blog really amazing.  More to say about this soon - but not tonight.  It's too late for using of the brain.

Also - Mel is coming to town next month.  I cannot wait!  

I don't usually make meta posts, either here or in my non-LiveJournal journal - but I've been mulling over some things over the last day or so.  I haven't necessarily come to any conclusions, but writing things out often helps clarify my thinking.  That's what I'm going for here.

This all started while I was away from fandom and LJ completely for a couple of weeks.  When I came back and caught up on my friendslist I came across several posts on metafandom  and in various friends' journals that there had been a bunch of journals that had been suspended for possibly violating TOS.  Apparently LJ had received complaints about various journals that were breeding grounds for pedophiles.  While I'm certain some were, others were in fandom - Harry Potter and others.  One in particular, pornish_pixies was targeted because stories written dealt with incest, and relationships between adults and teens - in a pornish way.

Some people have said that people are allowed to write whatever they want - First Amendment and all that.  Some people agree - but that LJ doesn't have to provide anyone webspace, as it is a private company.   Some people say those who write about incest and other variations on illegal pairings in a titillating manner shouldn't be included in fandom. 

Personally - I think people should be able to write whatever they want, as long as no crime is being committed and noone is being hurt.  I'd draw the line at encouraging criminal acts, but I don't think that the very fact of writing incest or adult/teen relationships, even in a way meant to arouse, is doing so.  It's funny - for the longest time I've had my own squick issues around incest fic, especially father/child.  Then I wrote some myself.  It's a piece of a longer story, and the child is an adult at the time it happens, but it does happen.  And neither is traumatised.

What I've realized is that the writing is fictional.  Even if someone did come across my story and it turned them on - better words on a screen than a living person, who might be harmed.  I don't believe words on a screen encourage anyone to do something they wouldn't otherwise do. 

And I don't believe that fandom is a specific place where someone can be either kept in or out.  Sure, certain stories might be excluded from archives or fansites - but that doesn't keep someone from writing in the fandom and publishing on their own website.  They'd still be in fandom, no matter how peripherally.

My thoughts, mostly unformed, at least for now.