aubreym | The Business of Being Born

Tonight Lisa and I went to the Randall Museum to see The Business of Being Born, a documentary about birth in the US (especially in New York City).

A synopsis from the website: "Birth: it’s a miracle. A rite of passage. A natural part of life. But more than anything, birth is a business. Compelled to find answers after a disappointing birth experience with her first child, actress Ricki Lake recruits filmmaker Abby Epstein to examine and question the way American women have babies. The film interlaces intimate birth stories with surprising historical, political and scientific insights and shocking statistics about the current maternity care system. When director Epstein discovers she is pregnant during the making of the film, the journey becomes even more personal. Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?" It was an amazing movie with surprising statistics and exhilirating births. It was another reminder that birth can be a normal, natural experience and does not need to take place in the hospital as often as it does in the states. It also emphasized how uninformed most men and women are about birth.

There was something about it that reminded me how much I've wanted to have a home birth. I think it was the power that the women birthing at home tapped into. Their energy. Their strength, even in the hardest times. Even when a woman had to be transfered to the hospital, there was still something different than hospital births. In my deepest heart I am a hippie, crunchy granola girl. It's why I moved to San Francisco.

There are several reasons I want to try to give birth at home. I feel comfortable here. Safe. When I'm feeling vulnerable, being in a safe space is necessary to me. I don't believe I can create that space in a hospital. I believe birth is usually a natural experience. Difficult, strenuous, but something that I can do. Not something that needs to be done to me. I live close to a hospital and in the rare chance of an emergency or serious difficulty I would be able to get there in minutes. I feel like there's a profound transformation that happens to a woman during childbirth. I don't believe that this can be honored in a hospital. If I have to go, then I will. But I would like to make an attempt to give birth at home.

I'm not one of those people who have imagined things far in advance - like my wedding and my birth, but when I do start considering them, I have strong opinions. In the few years that I have imagined giving birth, I have wanted to do it at home. But for the last 30-some weeks I've tended to listen to the nay-sayers and the worriers and not what I really wanted in my heart. Tonight I got in touch with that voice inside myself.

I'm still working out the words to go with my feelings. In the meantime I'm talking with Tom and Lisa, and I'm going to explore homebirth midwives in the city. The decision isn't definite (again), but I'm feeling a strong pull to birthing at home.